A Year of Blogging: February 16, 2011

February 16 was 'Do a Grouch a Favor Day'. The idea is to do something for someone who seems to be down, and it will brighten their mood. While I wasn't a grouch on February 16, (or at least I don't think so), I was down. Our whole family was, because we were still dealing with my Grandmother's recent passing. The family viewing was Wednesday night, February 16. I have been to many wakes (as we call them in NY), but I always get a little freaked out seeing the person in the coffin. In fact, most times, I don't look at the person in the coffin. I stand in front of the coffin and say a prayer, but I don't look at the deceased. I do not know why it has always bothered me. I don't mind exploring cemeteries, but seeing the person in the coffin creeps me out. This was no different, except I felt I needed to look at Grandma. It was so upsetting, I had to walk away. Sydney wanted to see GG (which is what she called Grandma, since she was Syd's Great-Grandma). Sydney has handled the situation amazingly well- comprehending it better than many children twice her age. She knows GG got her wings and is in Heaven, with mom's parents. She colored a picture for GG, and my sister put it in the coffin with Grandma. My sister thought it was best to bring Syd to the family visitation, because there would be fewer people there. My sister also knew it would be easier to leave if Syd was upset by this. When they came through the door of the funeral chapel, Sydney asked to see GG. My sister took her up, and when they came back to sit down, Sydney was fascinated by the whole thing. She kept asking questions, and kept begging to go see her again. In that respect, she was doing better than her old Aunt Amy! My sister pleaded with us to answer Sydney's questions, because she was out of answers. And then suddenly it hit me- there's a little bit of my Grandma in Sydney. Grandma loved wakes. If the wake was scheduled for 2-4 and 7-9; she was there well before 2pm, and stayed til the last person left after 4, then she went back for the full evening session. She always mentioned how the deceased looked. She would have been so pleased, because the funeral director did an amazing job- she looked 20 years younger. I know it's weird to say it, but she looked beautiful. Sydney's enthusiasm that night reminded me of my Grandma. Grandma also asked a lot of questions. We often joked that a conversation with Grandma was a game of 20 questions. If you went out to dinner, she wanted to know what everyone had (including sides, dessert, drinks); how your steaks were cooked, if you brought any home, who you went with.... well, you get the idea. Sydney seemed to be Gram reincarnated. I may just have to call her Little Bea. Grandma's name was Beatrice. I first learned this when I was in Kindergarten. I went home from my first day of Kindergarten, and told my mom that there was a girl in my class with a weird name. When I revealed her name was Beatrice, Mom laughed and told me that was Grandma Primeau's name. I argued that Grandma's name was Grandma. I called Grandma on the phone, hoping she would confirm what I thought. Instead, she said my mother was right. It had never occurred to me that adults had 'real' names. I thought their names were Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa and Grandma. My Gram never forgot this story. When Laura was pregnant for Sydney, we had a 4th of July party. Laura's baby shower had been two days earlier, and she had revealed that she was having a girl. My sister refused to tell the family what the baby's name would be. My parents and I knew. But the extended family did not. Laura told them the name would be a family name. Several Aunts & Uncles made a game out of thinking up names for the baby. When they came up with Beatrice for a first name, Grandma spoke up and said 'I know it's not Beatrice. Amy hates that name.' There was a brass nameplate in Grandma's coffin. It said 'Beatrice E. Primeau'. Sydney wanted to know what the sign was. I explained that it was Grandma's name (I suspect the nameplate was going to go on the outside of the coffin as they can't bury her until Spring due to the snow pack). Syd asked why her name started with an 'F' if her name was GG. I said it started with a 'B' and told her what Grandma's name was. I told Sydney that GG had once been a little girl, just like Sydney, and her parents named her Beatrice. I told her everyone had a different name when they were little. I was Amy to everyone else. We went around the room, going over every one's "names when they were a little girl or boy". I did caution her that she is never to call her parents or grandparents by their names. She thought Beatrice was a very funny name. The only thing she thought was funnier was my Grandpa's name- Aubrey. It is more commonly used as a girl's name, but in Quebec, it is also a boy's name. Having this conversation with Sydney made me feel like I was talking to myself. As I talked to her that night, and spent time with her, I felt better. Yes, I was sad about my Grandma, but Sydney and Drew have so much life and energy you are reminded that life does go on. The children will keep us going. They will lift our spirits when we are down, and make our world better.