A Year of Blogging: June 8, 2011

June 8 was Best Friend Day. My idea of a Best Friend has changed as I've gotten older. It used to seem so important to identify another person as my best friend. The whole world (or at least the entire school) had to know who my best friend was. There were times my best friends were girls, and at other points in my life my best friends have been male. It was very different having a female best friend versus a male best friend. Females were very petty and catty. At least all through elementary school and high school. Sure, we gave each other friendship bracelets, had sleepovers, and knew who our secret crushes were. But it seems almost every one of the female best friends I had at some point in school stabbed me in the back or betrayed me. The friendships didn't end well. I found myself trusting females less and less. Yet, I was friends with my male best friends for years. Our friendships had closer moments and some times when we were a little distant, but the friendship endured. Of course, I didn't have sleepovers with my male friends, but I felt closer to them. The relationships seemed more meaningful. Male friends were not as catty or as petty as the female friends were. The friendships with my male friends slowly dissolved, as we went different directions in life. There were no major blowouts, no drama. We just drifted apart. There are some of my former best friends whom I miss terribly. Like the boy who moved in next door when I was four. We were in the yard playing, and I noticed the movers carrying a red tricycle just like mine off the moving truck. I was so excited because the new neighbors had a child my age! My excitement wasn't dampened when I learned the child my age was a boy. We were friends all through high school, and drifted apart when I was in college. His life had taken a very different turn at the end of his senior year, and his college dreams disappeared. He was embarrassed and couldn't face me. I wish he realized I would have still been his friend. I miss the boy I went to school with from Pre-school through 12th grade. He was just before me alphabetically- in all those years no one came between our two names in the list. We grew really close my last two years of high school. He accepted me as I was. We kept in touch while I was in college, but the communication became more sparse, until it just stopped altogether. I miss the woman I shared college with. We roomed together for three years, and she was like a sister to me. Most of my college memories involve either her or my ex-husband, or both. When it seemed she was rushing into marriage, I expressed the concerns all of our friends had, and I paid the price. These friendships left holes in my heart. Sometimes I miss these people so much. I've looked them up, and thought about contacting them. And then I stop. If I could find them, they could have found me. I remind myself not to worry about those who are not part of my life anymore. There is a reason they are not in my life. I think of the friends who are in my life, and I know I am truly blessed. I have the women I met through my bear collecting. These women are among my best friends. We have so many things in common, not just the bears. We encourage each other and are there for each other. My life is enriched by their friendship. Every day I thank God for bringing them into my life. There are friends I've made at different jobs, or in different parts of my life. There are the college and high school friends I've reconnected with. I don't know that I have an actual best friend. Erich is one of my best friends because he knows things about me that no one else knows. My sister is one of my best friends because she knows my story, and understands the person I am. My mom is one of my best friends because she loves me anyway. I am surrounded by great friends, and I think that is more important than choosing one as your 'best' friend.